I feel like I am wasting precious time doing things that I don't really want to be doing. I don't want to live for the weekend (2 days of freedom) and dread the week coming. It's not me. Maybe you have to imagine it, or maybe this is your reality as it was mine just a few short months ago. There are a few moments of freedom and satisfaction but it all seems to be overthrown with the constant grind of doing something that gives you no fulfillment. Life seems to pass you by in shades of grey.
What is so funny about my current circumstance is that when I was employed I was working around the clock. I had money, but no time for me. All I could think about everyday when I woke up was is this it? I felt so incomplete and all I wanted was for that feeling to end. So, I ended it. I left everything behind in hopes that living a free life would give me the answers to everything. In some ways it has. I have met some incredible people and I have been researching manifestation, meditation, passion, success, inspiration, transformation and all these wonderful things, however I still don't feel complete. My knowledge base has grown immensely from what it was but I still struggle with gaining clarity on the most simple things like, what do I really want? I can't even vision that for myself right now. I can't even tell you what my ideal life looks like. I change my mind every 5 minutes like I have multiple personalities. Maybe this is an age thing or maybe it's because I love so many things, who the heck knows! I still have lots to learn about myself.
So as I have been researching and asking myself questions that I am still trying to answer I came across this quote..
“Discover who you truly are and fully give every aspect of your uniqueness to the world. This is your path to an extraordinary life.”
What is living an extraordinary life? For me it's giving back, travelling the world to see everything you can't put in words or pictures, loving and being loved, laughing a lot, taking care of my body, celebrating my successes as well as others, being surrounded by a group of visionaries, exploring spirituality, fierce love, sharing stories and listening to stories, being colourful, more fierce love, sparkling with a smile and living with no regrets. I could make this list a page long. Is there a career that matches this? Is there going to be a career that matches this? I don't know. If you do, please, let me know.
Everyday I wake up and these are the questions that fill my mind until my eyes close and I begin REM. Even when I am in REM I am probably dreaming about it. It is a mad house in this girls brain. Stay clear.
Despite all the confusion I am also grateful for many, many things. One of my greatest blessings is my support system. Last weekend I spent a night out with some friends who belong to my support system. As we were discussing life I learned this- when you have time, you don't have money. When you have money you don't have time. The balance of life is a struggle for us all. Is living the extraordinary life just a means of finding a way to get paid for what you truly love doing and would probably even do if you weren't getting paid for it? Because loving what you do doesn't really make it a job, right? Is that the trick?
Well, how do you get there? Does unhappiness and stress come before the big "AHA!" moment? Is there an "AHA!" moment?
If you are someone who is dong what they love please share a little insight on how you got there and why it is perfect for you. In the mean time, I will be searching and awaiting further instructions from the Universe.
Have a great weekend bloggies!
xoxo Alex
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| Just a picture of a few people I love :) |
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